Today, thanks to my friend, Monica, I was reading “Five Great John Hughes Moments” on the day he died (which, for whatever reason has had four of the moments cut out of it) and experienced one of those aha moments.
What if it all came true?
It depends on what “it” is. In the context of the above mentioned article, it’s where the girl finally gets to interact with the guy of her dreams.
I think most of us have the one who got away, the dream guy, the person who (in our fantasy life) says and does all the right things, even when (in real life) that didn’t happen. At all. I know I did.
My freshman year of high school started with the VP of the junior class paying a lot of attention to me. I was a social outcast in his social circle. I didn’t care. I was flattered. I was overwhelmed. I was a lot of things, including not very smart (at least when it came to him). So when I was dumped right before the first major high school dance in favor of a more socially acceptable girl, I found myself in a place where it wasn’t all that great being me. I was crushed and humiliated. However, we interacted off an on until the day he graduated from high school. It was nothing short of demeaning, but I was totally infatuated.
He married a really nice girl from my class at the end of our junior year. They’re still married.
So, where would I be if that girl had been me? I have a hard time even going there in my head. I doubt if I would be who I am because I don’t think he would have allowed it. You see, his wife uses a lot of that kind of language (like “he allowed me” and “he gave me permission”) when referring to him. That’s just not the way I would want to interact with my husband. Not that I go about doing whatever I please, but I don’t find it necessary to ask him if I can do something. I don’t feel it is necessary to go through his email or his online accounts. I don’t need to check up on him, and I don’t get the impression he feels he needs to snoop in my stuff either. I expect to be treated like a contributing member of our marriage, and I let him know very quickly if I think he’s forgetting that. I do not get the impression that my former boyfriend would have “allowed” me that kind of equality.
Not only that, but I’m convinced the guy is a coward. We recently held our 40 year high school reunion and guess who didn’t come with his wife? Yup. I didn’t think much of it until someone asked her why he wasn’t there, and she stole a look at me. Seriously. I just smirked. Perhaps he has a reason to avoid me. After all, he treated me more than a little badly and he hasn’t tried to apologize. And while I’ve forgiven him, I simply won’t reconcile with someone who comes off remorseless and unrepentant. Did he actually have his wife tell me that I needed to move on? Seriously? I don’t know, but that’s what she did. Honey, I don’t care how long ago it happened. Besides that, apparently you think it’s ok to hold a grudge, so why can’t I? Even though I’m not holding a grudge. I just won’t condone really bad behavior. I think it sends the wrong message.
I’ve been on both sides of this kind of issue. Several years ago my husband confessed that he had treated a girl badly in high school. She was going to be at their high school reunion and he didn’t know what to do. I told him he needed to apologize. He made the same lame comment about the passage of time and whether she would remember what he did. (Trust me, his faux pas was memorable. She would have no trouble remembering how badly he behaved) I asked him if he felt bad about what he did. He said he did. I told him that he would feel better if he did apologize and I would respect him more if he did and less if he did not. He did apologize and she ended up having dinner with us and we gave her a ride home.
So I can sit here and know that apologizing after umpteen million years for something YOU think should be long forgotten is a good thing to do. I also know that I am married to a great guy who has proven to be ultimately the right kind of guy for me. Living well IS the best revenge.
So what if it did all come true? Thank God it did not!