Today, thanks to my friend, Monica, I was reading “Five Great John Hughes Moments” on the day he died (which, for whatever reason has had four of the moments cut out of it) and experienced one of those aha moments.
What if it all came true?
It depends on what “it” is. In the context of the above mentioned article, it’s where the girl finally gets to interact with the guy of her dreams.
If you are squeamish, don’t read the letter in the picture. It is a mean, vicious letter to a family that has enough to deal with in their lives.
The family has a 13 year old autistic child that appears to be non-verbal and low functioning. I have an autistic grandchild who lives with us that is 5 years old, non-verbal, and low functioning. His mom has MS and is getting worse. I’m getting older.
It is very hard to steer these children into appropriate activities. The tendency is to engage in repetitive behaviors that are annoying. When they are redirected, they tend to fight back, sometimes aggressively. Leaving them to their own devices means they tend to wail, scream, run, and bang into stuff. My grandchild likes to remove clothing and smear feces when she’s not climbing, jumping, walking the deck rail, eating plant life, or eating and drinking someone else’s stuff. Never a dull moment.
We (presciently) planted trees all around our back yard when we moved in 2 decades ago, which is fenced in. While the trees provide a visual screen and maybe even a sound screen, I am very aware that we are noisy – and she is sometimes naked. My granddaughter’s first name is often the first word out of my mouth, followed by “Don’t!” or “Stop!”, or “Get down!”.
We are probably not considered the best neighbors. But I have had worse. None of which moved me to send an anonymous letter to them telling them what a pain-in-the-butt it is to have them as a neighbor. I have never suggested (out loud or in print) that anyone was better off dead. Some things are better left unsaid.
I am well aware that my granddaughter may never be a “contributing” member of society as is commonly thought of, and I mourn that. But my granddaughter has also caused me to reconsider what constitutes “contributing”. If anything, she contributes to society by making others thankful they have normal kids. She does a great job of keeping food and drink out of the pool area of our neighborhood pool by helping herself to those things (since we have a no food policy, I don’t do much to stop her). I have become much better at putting things away and simplifying our lives. I have a much clearer idea of what is important and what hill I’m willing to die on. I’ve also learned to say no and not feel guilty. There is only so much I can do and the family comes first, and then I need my rest.
Life is messy even in the best of circumstances. I’m not asking you to walk in my shoes, I’m just asking that you show a little compassion while I walk in my shoes.
Back when I was young, there was a racially motivated “joke” that centered around whether all people entering heaven would be equal. The punch line was that St. Peter gave the person of color a much harder word to spell – Albuquerque. (more…)
There is an Obama ad floating around where some girl compares voting for Obama like an ideal”first time”.
Really.
Is that what we’ve come to accept as “presidential”? I hope not.
Let’s look at “first time girl”. She’s talking about how great your “first time” should be. You gotta love the comparison. Let’s get real here. “First Time” happened four years ago. I get it. You hoped that the guy was great, after all, that’s what he kept telling you, but let’s face it – back then you hardly knew him. He talked a great line. He was smooth. He was good-looking. He was popular. And he made you feel special. There was something “other-worldly” about him. Something almost mystical. So you took the plunge and let him have his way. After he had his way, he got up and went about his business, which didn’t include you. You gave him what he wanted and you’re still waiting. But you don’t want to believe that he will never do what he promised. You don’t want to let yourself believe that you could have been used like that. But honestly, you’ve had fours years to figure out it ain’t gonna happen. He’s just not that into you beyond what you can do for him.
The reality is that the guy swept you off your feet and on your back, but do you really want to let him have at it again given his track record? One of the things I’ve learned is that getting swept off your feet is rarely mutually beneficial. In this case, this infatuation and it’s projected outcome will adversely affect generations to come.
This guy, who broke nearly every promise he made (real and implied) except his personal vow to dismantle our republic for perceived crimes against third world countries, has returned four years later with a promise to move “forward”. Whatever that means. He’s not been real clear about that. My experience is that when someone wants to move forward without taking a hard look at where they are and how they got there, it’s just happy talk. What he tells you is that if you give him what he wants – again – he’ll move towards that direction that he’s not being up front about. Since he’s being so evasive, isn’t it time to think that past behavior is probably an indicator of future behavior? In a sane world it is. What he wants is for you to remember him the way he told you he is, not the way he really is.
Face it, it hasn’t been a great “first time”. Not even an OK first time. It’s been one of those first times that if you’re honest, shouldn’t have happened. he just wants more time to do what he’s been doing, which hasn’t improved anyone’s life. Letting him have another go at it is not going to change him, but it will change you, and not for the better. By now you should know better. Nobody becomes a better person by fooling themselves, or letting themselves be fooled. You learn by acknowledging your mistakes, correcting the behavior, and moving forward.
Don’t you deserve to move forward?
I am one of those people who remembers things. While this is great when it comes to finding the keys to the car, in other areas it doesn’t serve me so well. There are things I’d rather not remember, yet they are there clogging up my thoughts. Ugh.
Ryan O’Neal mentions in Vanity Fair magazine that he didn’t recognize his own daughter and made a pass at her at Farrah Faucett’s funeral. That had to be embarrassing. How can someone not remember his own child, but the article goes on to say that it had been decades since they had seen each other.
The tongue-in-cheek headline on the WSJ’s front page today made me laugh out loud. The irony of this article is that workgroup printers and copiers at DFAS had duplex (printing both sides) capability when I was there in 1996. Anytime it was suggested that printing on both sides of the paper would save money and actually use the features of a printer or copier, that suggestion was met with derision.