I really do get the concept of situational friends. Really, I do. Some friends come about through shared experiences, bonding-by-drama, etc. When that time is over, you go on about your business. They aren’t the people you pick up the phone and ask out to lunch or offer to watch their dog while they go on vacation. What I don’t get is when situational “friends” don’t observe the commonest of courtesy, such as acknowledging you’re alive outside of the situation. It’s one thing to avoid eye contact and make every effort not to touch someone you don’t know, but to do that to someone you do know and have have shared relatively intimate moments with is just – weird.

I know a person like that and I have no idea what to make of her. In a certain situation she’s warm, conversant, and funny. Outside of that situation it’s as if we’ve never met. No, it’s beyond that. It’s not that I really expect or even want a friendship with her outside of this situation, but we run into each other often enough and have enough friends and acquaintances in common that it seems unusual that she would go out of her way to avoid even eye contact in everyday situations.

The real irony is that this takes place in church.

Initially, I was startled enough by the behavior that I asked a mutual friend what I could have done that would deserve that kind of snub. I was told that she’s intensely private, and that she’s very shy. Okay, that might be true, but I don’t think either one of those qualities is a reason to be overtly rude. I don’t perceive painful shyness on her part, and besides we’ve had enough conversations and banter that we are past shyness. Eye contact doesn’t invade privacy. My perception of this lack of interaction outside the “situation” is avoidance. For what reason? I don’t know. I wouldn’t be bothered by her behavior if it was across the board, but it’s not. I find it unsettling and confusing because I can’t be sure of what to expect out of her, and to be honest, I’m not willing to let her lead this thing when I feel she’s friendly on an “as needed” basis. I don’t like those kind of one-way interactions. They are draining.

I don’t think it would be beneficial to have a conversation with her about my feelings, so I’m going to hold up the mirror, so to speak, and see how it plays out.